i’ll just be over here making my dog take pictures with me!

This morning I went for a run with an old friend and we were talking about how ANOTHER of our friends just got married this past weekend. Immediately the  Mama Bear in me came up-   ” HOW??? They’ve been dating just a few months. I thought she was going for her masters,.. what the heck is the rush”

Which in hindsight was mostly just me thinly veiling thoughts of ” wait a second am I being left behind?. I thought the consensus was we were all buying Kylie Jenner looking crop tops or traveling to thailand. When did this marriage stuff start?” Or perhaps even more accurately , “And why the hell wasn’t I invited?!”

The point of the story was that I was “millenialling ” hard this morning folks.

But as that dust settled, I began t  wonder at what point my career choice played into my emotions here.

I mean it’s all fun and games to be living the creative life until all your friends are doing the “married and 2 vacations a year with a townhouse in the burbs” thing. I feel that sacrifice, wondering  in the grand scheme of things if I’m making the right decision. There’s the feeing like if i I was doing creativity right, there wouldn’t have to be any sacrifice,  ( reluctantly , another fear i have to add to my fears on the  “creative life” the rest of which you can find  here ).

Basically, it’s hard to feel like the master of your own ship when your destination is so unclear.

Will I  ever “make it?” and most important of all-  IF I don’t  make it what will all this look like?? What am I missing out on because of it

Maybe it’s not just hard to be the master of the ship, maybe it’s hard to know what’s at shore too.


Playing hide and go seek in the cabin of my      grandpa’s boat circa 95