I’m not sure why but “more to be learned” was my title of choice today.

And maybe thats the truth.

It’s been a a weird, scary  couple of weeks friends.

1. This concussion business has kind of thrown me and the people around me for a bit of a loop. Truthfully I cant’t help but judge  almost every moodiness of mine , or any flicker of headache as symptom of a greater issue rather just  stress or something. It’s been making me  feel a little more anxious than usual.

2. I learned of the passing of a longtime friend of mine. Amanda had always been 3 steps head of everyone. She knew what she wanted to be in high school, knew what school what she wanted. She knew what country she wanted to visit next, what house she wanted to buy, and what she wants from her relationships at a time when most of us where just graduating and dealing with the reality of moving back home with mom and pop.  She was always gracious and kind- but truthfully she was larger than life to me in many ways and I really looked up to her dare i say with a long line of ” fuck me- is that where I should be in my life?”. Her death reminds me of how short life is, but also strangely, how I had perhaps lost our friendship in comparisons. Death has a funny way of revealing these things.

Whats my point? Today is Chinese New Year.

I am reminded of how my failure to embrace learning things as I go has made resulted in me, and instead how overly cautious i am afraid to make a move.

This was reaffirmed by the new chiropractor i visited this week

our convo went like this

him: ” so why aren’t you being more active right now?” .

me: ” uh i have a concussion and i mean i’ve been doing tai chi and yoga and stuff for you

him : but you would like to be more active right

me: yes

him: so be more active. and we will get you to the point that you are able to

So with this Here are my resolutions

  1. Be comfortable being more active Not making it what i do – i.e. I have to hike every mountain in vanouver right now, just  enjoy it
  2. Be prouder of my circumstances and my heart, and then prouder of others circumstances an other hearts *****
  3. Be open to having more fun. Period end. Staying out later, saying yes to opportunities, doing one thing that scares you – all good stuff. And trusting that I can recognize when its an opportunity and when its not.  
  4. Be kinder, more compassionate to self , and then to others 
  5. Reduce attachments to things – youth, responsibility,the need to prove  I’m living my life to the fullest,or am adept enough to write people and compliment them, auditionning etc.
  6. Spend more time with friends and family, not being such a jerk off. And not being afraid to reach out to people . Visiting. hanging out with them
  7. Write more. I used to love doing poetry but i haven’t done it in a long time
  8.  Find new ways to lift people up and compliment them. ( goes with number 4) 
  9.  Fire on all cylinders  Ie I want to be able talk about everything not just work, this will probably help destress me too
  10. Forgive myself and others