If I’m being honest, I think it’s really scary for me NOT attending Canada Day festivities today with my friends because choosing to be in my body and acknowledge what i need to feel good today means letting them do their thing and ONCE again being on the outisde of fun activities, a feeling i knew all too well from college.

I really struggled between trying to ┬átake care of my health and choosing not to go out etc, at the expense of potentially meeting new people, partners, friends. I mean it’s no fun showing up and feeling sick and unfun, a feeling I ALSO know all too well. Square peg round hole so to speak, ┬ábut the opputunities sometimes felt a little few andfar between and I WANT TO HAVE FUN TOO!!

Sometimes maybe its justa bout trusting that if it was someting i was really meant for it wouldn’t feel see ; and perhaps the similiarities to something in the past are just there to gently nudge me into letting that past go.

A part of me just thinks that’s hard becuase without that feeling of ” why can’t it be easy to just go out etc?” What CAN I DO/ WHO AM I?


Perhaps THAT is what I need to start exploring.