Lots to report so here goes.
SO I have been doing my yoga teacher training the last couple months!Now i should preface this by saying it was an extremely weird and shady organization and at this point im not sure i actually got my certification or not BUT I got a ton of yoga in and man alive did I ever need it. Something about the movement of yoga and stretching and moving differently than your day to day, really encourages you to bring out the best in yourself.
And with that comes change.
Admittedly weird change too. A couple of weeks ago I quit the acting class I have been taking for the last year. After feeling uninspired I decided it wasn’t for me anymore. And so the last few weeks i’ve been on my own
And they have been BUSY!
I have had a 3 in studio auditions and 1 self tape this past week.
To count as wins
- Self tape was a request, not a submission
- Saw lots of friends at the auditions
- Really proud of the effort I put in at the auditions
- Took an hour off work to go to audition
- Juggled Work, yoga teacher training, a selftape AND an audition all in one week through God’s grace
- did an audition as a runner, that mae me feel doubly self conscious becuase I WAS ACUALLY A RUNNER, and I’m actually an actor too! But amde it through and wasnt super concerned about not getting acallback because lots of other oppurrtunities came down the pipeline
But now- too wait? to demand for more auditions from the universe?’Na just to be grateful i think and be thankfuul for being able to see how much i could take on my plate at once and hope for the grace to do my best the next time too!
It’s weird since i got home I’ve felt like i’ve had a cruel bit of reality. I’ve been on my computer trying to force myself to write because well i havent in SOL ONG but i just end up on facebook or twitter coming across these social influencers, with fresh photogenic faces, exciting lives and companies saying ” hey here is a promo for you to giveaway becaue you are so important that we know you can sell this product.’ I’m like well fuck why am i even trying to be a n actor? why don’t companies just hire these guys. I guess ill just be over here as a character actor working towards being Golam or something.
After sitting with that I guesss the thing I come back to is what is my purpose in acting ( and in life)? Is it to protect myself from that risk? that someone else might be more successful, admired, photogenic, have more followers than me etc. All of which of course i can protect myself from – by avoiding social media,acting superior orself rightenous and more imporant by training, talking down about the person, or BY pretending NOT to need it or be bothered by it.
I guess friends THIS is what i am working on this week.
And boy oh boy is this a challenge. that ego is getting reined in my friends!