So this week has been pretty heavy on the – things to do, people to see- front. After work I’ve been meeting up with my scene partner or meeting up with yvette to talk about the upcoming short we’re producing, plus of course the two classes i’m doing.
It was freaking me out that this weekend my parents wanted to go visit my grandparents the two days I had to do NOTHING. And by two days i mean litterally leaving 5 am the one day , arriving home 12 the next.
So low and behold I got sick and wasnt able to go, and of course now I have nothing BUT free time to do nothing. And its the worse/ the best. (my body is happy, but i am slightly bored/ feeling like really do i haveeeee to be on my computer?)
But I find myself unsure exactly how to value my free time. I mean all of this week looking back i maybe could have said “hey i think maybe this is more than i can handle, do you think we can not meet so much” etc… but of course i didn’t! Looking forward I see a show i want to go to , only to think “wow it ends late- i have to do so many things the next day”!! I guess what i’m trying to understand is the bestway to a) expand my horizons and accept more stuff in my life while b) taking care of myself, not stretching myself too thin WHILE nurturing what I already have and accepting where I already am.
I’m seeing alot of cool people in town doing alot of cool things and its got me hungry. But its also got me a little bit vulnerable thinking
1) how are they able to do all that? or how HAVE they been able to get so far ( esepcially if they are younger than me) – I mean where. have. I. been? WHY CANT I HAVE THAT?
2) Would I have been able to do it all if i lived in Vancouver and was able to do more, stay out a bit later?
3) Do I need to in order to make a jump? or is this an excuse brought to you by my psyche du sickness
4) Was I in the wrong for expanding my horizons at all; am i trying to force something that doesn’t need to be forced?
5) Well fuck i want to do cool things too!
Im currently debating how to have it all and what exactly that looks like. I guess the answer is taking the opputunities that feel like oppurtunities as best you can, and being in a posiition to take them. ( meaning being HEALTHY and ready when the time comes).. SO with that, guess i just need to rest and know it’s all coming